my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family

Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. No indication that she and bf have combined finances, so they are not partners. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. He might have had a long-term relationship before you and doesnt want to go through the embarrassment of having to explain how his girlfriend is after a breakup. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. Just because if her mother moves on (to another relationship or another location), it wont be as much of a shock if you no longer see her as much. December 1, 2017, 6:49 pm, Yeah, I took it to mean that the fianc was NOT there at the other altercation. Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. It is NOT her business!! Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. An ton, hiu qu, nhanh chng Just ignore if the sister gets on your nerves. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about two old goats arthritis formula reviews will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. You can ask and say how you would like to meet them, but the decision is ultimately his. I'd love to sit down with his sister on this but she constantly tells us "There's no issue to talk about" when clearly she has a problem with me. Cleopatra Jones You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. Also, shes not a partner in their business. That seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that he was aggressive back. And as long as all the adults in the picture are ok with the relationship continuing, then it should. +91 95198 60509. My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. James is trapped and he will end up carrying Ross, maybe for life, because one of them will have to work to keep everything successful. In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." She resents this. But at the very least spoken with your boyfriend in private about what he thinks about his brothers drinking Instead you caused a public scene and later got one in return. December 1, 2017, 1:45 am. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. . This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. AND your bf still hasn't proposed either? December 1, 2017, 8:45 pm. I dont know what i look like to them now. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. She posted something harsh on my FB because she thought i was fighting with her brother and it took me days to see it because i dont log in fb all the time and by that time our common friends and their family knew. And it hurts. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. His parents might be perfectionists and have high expectations of him. Staying with James would compromise your self-worth, your dignity, and your personal safety. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver They are sure to help you out. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. Breakups are never fun. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. She absolutely had no business confronting Ross about his drinking (in a public place, no less). He doesn't want you to think she's a bad person. November 30, 2017, 9:30 am. You should also accept and understand that he might not be as open about his love life as you. Privacy Policy. Skyblossom He also is known to have major anger issues. Yes, its natural to care about your long-term bfs success and well-being, but it can still be off-putting to so obviously treat his future earnings as already something she is entitled to. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. He might be embarrassed by it. Im sorry and best wishes to you. Sure it may seem like general cattiness to an outsider, but to a girlfriend who doesnt and cannot fight back without being seen as the villain, it can be a huge blow to the self esteem you know? ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. If he cares about you, he will want to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that. It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. As for the next gen relationships for your son and the childs mother, well, to me, if a new gf/bf cannot handle the idea that you have this relationship, then THEIR insecurity should be a red flag to everyone involved. Skyblossom Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. When you attack somebody personally and publicly you cant exactly be surprised when they feel attacked at thus (over)react accordingly, dinoceros I would never ask him to let go of his family for me, but im always a no show at his family gatherings ever since that day his sister humiliated me. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. Dont be offended. Good luck, 9+ boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family most standard, 1.Domestic Violence Support | The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2.If your boyfriend cant stand up to his family for you, does it mean he , 3.3 Ways to Cope when Your Partner Does Not Defend You to Family, 4.What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesnt Stand Up for You, 5.When Your Partner Doesnt Defend You, It Can Harm Your Bustle, 6.When Your Partner Doesnt Defend You Around Others YouTube, 7.Boyfriend needs to stand up for girlfriend to his parents, 8.When it comes to his family/friends, Should your husband defend , 9.When Your Husband Doesnt Protect You from Your Mother-in-Law , boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family, 10+ darkmans punishing makeup process meant little sleep for liam most standard, 9+ 635 s clinton ave trenton nj 08611 most standard, 9+ sword art online fatal bullet overclock chips most standard, 10+ 14 inch high lamp shade most standard. The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. Go do it! 2. I didnt but now i wish i did had i known that inaction on my part would still lead to this. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. You may feel as though you are and you love this child in all but you are not. Privacy Policy. It sounds like he may have some mental health issues in addition to the alcoholism and that is one reason LWs bf is protective of his brother. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. Ive met people like this and they are annoying and self righteous AF. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. Did you like our article? Id bring it up with my partner in private and let them deal with it. And now she constantly passively aggressively makes it a point that im not part of the family. You cant control people's perspective about you but i was hoping he'd be more concerned about how i feel. Or maybe youve only been together for a short while. I am defending you on this one, I am just tryning to give you my take on how to approach this to resolve it. Because, Honey, it will be. my brother rabbit switch; raya and the last dragon zodiac sign; vizio xrt140 remote not working; Main Menu. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. Thats not going to change overnight, and not if hes not willing. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I'm much more inclined towards this. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. Will this be a Red Flag for her? He committed a premeditated assault. Maybe even kick a bitch. Build a relationship with his parents. Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). Who knows what is going on with him? He also is known to have major anger issues. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. Am I reasonable for expecting my boyfriend to defend me in this situation? If he doesn't, he might be meeting them simply because you've made him do it. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. I've been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. Hannanas He tells me that if the situation was reversed he wouldnt give a damn and i dont doubt him. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? 12. Showing up where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in it?? 3. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. If thats the case, I have a lot less empathy for her. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. Feeling Betrayed. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. He is not her partner; he is her bf. Your question is one about appropriateness, and while the situation is certainly more complicated than it was before you son and his girlfriend broke up, its not really as complicated as you might think. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. my wife is always disappointed in me. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By Marshals on the ground have "full authority" to arrest people under any federal statute, including 1507, "but they have to . He condones their behavior, and 2. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. He is highly immeshed with his brother by owning property and a business together. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. It sounds like before the fourth of July, they were very close. How petty. This might be a bit of a different perspective, but I'd absolutely dump an SO who can't get along with my family or goes so far as to hate them. That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Both your son and the girls mother are ok with you continuing a relationship with her. Or perhaps you are not what they would imagine for him. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. I would NEVER ask him to disown his brother, but at the same time, I cannot have a relationship with his brother ever again, an this has torn James and me apart. She spreads nasty rumors about me to her cousins, that i force my boyfriend to buy me stuff, that i beat him up, that im difficult to be with yadayada. 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. What got her so pissed at me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend who happened to be my friend, and she thought i was the one who told him. No one wants to be judged. 5. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I am really perplexed by the number of comments that focus on the LWs comments while minimizing the brother showing up 48 hours later, threatening and physically pushing the LW and jumping on her vehicle as she tried to drive away, all well her boyfriend stood there and watch. Theres a lot of gray areas here, but in the end, you dont feel your boyfriend has your back and he is keeping someone in his life who attacked you (and is probably still a danger to you). Weve been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) wont defend me to his parents. Im very sorry you have to go through this. Click here to get your own professional love reading, 10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship, 10 signs that someone is in a relationship. Exactly. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Our decisions about money are personal." 4 Maintain your boundaries. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. Dump him. When I finally asked him to defend me, he got angry. Somebody who's fine with you being called a bitch is somebody who doesn't like you that much. I wouldnt say that i wouldnt want to be around the parents specifically. Even if she were married to James, its still not her place to admonish his brother on his perceived shortcomings. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. In the meantime, if you ever know someone again who has a drinking problem or any problem you think its your business to address I would advise you to find a private and sensitive way to do so. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. LW2- If the whole family is fine with the arrangement, please continue. She thinks he after the fact has to have her back. SOMETIMES when you ignore peoplethey get louder and louder.not saying not to defend yourselfjust don't let them see they bug you. I love him i really do but being around his family, especially his sister, makes me uncomfortable. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. I didnt even do anything! At the very least managing civility no matter what. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By Whether hes in denial or really has no backbone, its in the LWs best interest to bow out of this relationship. LW #1: I do think that in the future, you need to look at your judgment though. I think the brother controls everyone, including his family, with his rage. Anonymous After that she was particularly nasty to me. You call them out when they destroy property. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. Hes not in a tough position. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. He's basically telling his friends it's okay to shit talk you. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Am I being gas lighted? I just want him to tell his sister to back off. You have to move on. He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. Northern Star So I'd leave. It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. Normally im a very direct person, to a fault. Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. December 2, 2017, 3:16 am. She says that the brothers business is very successful. I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. Ill take you through it. I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. They say alcoholism is a family disease. They are neither engaged nor living together. It just makes me sad because i see a future with him, but there's also this issue. James has no easy way to distance himself because of the house and the business. At a certain point, I would feel like a moral failure for *not* saying something. He might find it hard to talk and see them himself. Like ? Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. Thats what she was doing here. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Dump him. It may be a complex situation with some of . By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By It really upset me. Theyve been together for three years. My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues like that. He didn't defend me at all. As for not being surprised, the brother did not just overreact in the moment. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Ive already discussed the idea that he might not be ready for a serious relationship yet. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. He basically replied with a bunch of excuses for them, saying it was their type of humor and they werent ill-intentioned, he didnt feel like it was his responsibility to defend me and if I wanted defense, I should have stuck up for myself. I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. I'd be too embarassed to get married and not bring anything to the table. Thanks. Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. You have done all you can, he's the one that needs to do things. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? You cant force this one. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. Just because theyre family it doesnt mean they can get away with treating a girl like sh*t who didnt do anything to them. They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. November 30, 2017, 2:20 pm, Well, this escalated fairly quickly to be sure. Fortnite By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. Let him decide what he is comfortable sharing with you. Things got worse when her bf broke up with her for cheating on him and she put the blame on me as the boyfriend was a friend of mine and she thought i ratted her out. This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? Did she just think that Ross was going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, and was going to stop drinking and fix his life? This is not difficult. If you are in a place to guide the conversation, I think that seeing her still is good, but I think that toning it down a little might help. You call them out when they say racist, bigoted, hurtful things. Your energy should be focused on yourself and your life, school, etc. It is what it is. But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. He might soon have a child, get married, or get a job. If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Not so much the damage to your truck, thats out of line, but probably everything he said to you. November 30, 2017, 11:16 pm. November 30, 2017, 9:55 am. ), Autumnrose Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. This is a problem that you created, and Im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your side on this one. bondgirl If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. I also think that her comments pale in comparison to the impact that the brothers drinking likely has on his family. December 1, 2017, 6:27 am. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. He just doesnt get it. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. He agrees with them. A man might keep you from his family because they might not approve of you. . Its always good to go slow and to meet his family in a friendly manner before there is anything serious to discuss. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. Jesus. Granted the aggressive behavior is a step too far. It sounds like she chose a restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. Please please help me. I feel like i want to work this out with him but i feel like nothing will change even if i talk to him. December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. What on earth were you thinking? My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. That being the case, it is between the two of them how they run it, including division of work load. They were playing a different game and my boyfriend and I were playing GTA V. I was in his heist room and saw a porn magazine (naked guys, called BJ). Press J to jump to the feed. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your. You can't control other people --- but you can control yourself. Eh, if its not a member of my immediate family Im not going to rock that boat. Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. Yeah. It is unacceptable.. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. :strawberry: chi. Im trying to figure out what she thought the interaction was going to achieve? Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. Married or not, 6 years is a long time. I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. Also im still in med school. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. Your rivalry about their fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and they may be in their thirties, they are not mature. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation.

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