I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. I am depressed. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. thank you for writing tips on coping. Very hard, even. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. Our relationship has became better in the past few months and she seems to like me more than before. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. Paula, Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? Im a teacher so am home most days quite early so do see a lot of her. you are a good mother. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . You are and always will be their only mother. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. What can I do? Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. Paula, please give me some advice! i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . Carry on telling your cousin who her mother is and that it is not you. I just want to cry and cry. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. This is painful, really painful. his my world!! I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. No matter what I do, she still wants me. My son is 18 mos old. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. I strongly recommend you to get it! But they arent helping your relationship with your child. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. Thanks, Mai!!! I also had postpartum for the first 3 or 4 mos and I actually do think that had a role in the bonding problems I had with my baby. Help?? I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. I've tried Philips avent, pigeon and now using hegen. You sound like a fabulous mom. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? And that is actually the key to your bonding. Babies can feel our tension. I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. I try to comfort him even when hes inconsolable and even when he doesnt seem to want me. It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). If there is anything I can do to change this me let me know?I love my son so much I dont know what I did to him for him to start this. Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. this time we were alone in the room. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. You are obviously there for your son. It is so important that you separate this! Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. read about this website and how it all started here. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Try and make him happy. Quick message to Laura- I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. When I do leave him he doesnt even notice. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. My daughter just turned one. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Sep. 5, 2016. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. 1. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Never has. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. Thats good too; try to see that. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? What a tricky situation you are all in! But 3 weeks ago I got hospitalized. Im starting to become resentful of my husband (who is not taking me seriously at all) and even worse my son xx. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. baby rejecting mom after going back to work But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. Good luck and let us know how things develop! Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. I want my baby to love me as much as I love her, but I understand I cant force that. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. we got seperated when she was 17 months. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? Things went downhill from there. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. she cries for grand mother . Getting the Right Child Care. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. She cries for her grand mother. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. So chin up, even when its hard. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Recently, its really been getting to me. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. It is totally heart breaking. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) So a temporary solution is essential. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! At 12 mos the situation was improved. And when I get her home she ignores me. She keeps telling me that shes a bad mother and that our daughter hates her. It breaks my heart and I consider just leaving her. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. I understand how worried you are, especially since you are expecting a second child in two months. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. 1. And I would say it is actually a good sign. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . Adjustment takes time. Understand your employer's leave policy, if you qualify for FMLA, and if any state or local laws impact parental leave. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. But, I do know I cant wallow. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. Goodness! In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. Thank you and keep your heads up!! First thing to remember is to feed the baby. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. Ask your midwife or doctor for help immediately if any part of you answers yes to my above question. but, really, we'll be alright. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. But I believe it can be solved. A boy and a girl. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. Focus on love and fun! what can i do to make it better? Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. Please help me!! Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. I dont get it. Hang in there! Its been like this since he was a newborn. (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. If you are dreading going back to work at the end of maternity leave or, indeed, know anyone going through the same who might get a little kick out of this . Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. I have a 20-month daughter. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. It is hard. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. I would hate for it to be the opposite. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. She is hungry, keep crying and screaming her lung out and looking for my breast. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? Im in need of some help here. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. Best of luck. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. 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